To Hell With It...and Back Again

Since reading O'Connor--and I mean reading her at all, not even reading her deeply--I am frightfully aware of every action I make, every word I speak. And I hate myself for it. It's a change I am working through every moment, that's the good thing. But I'm not as diligent as I would like to be, not as quick, not as early. I always realize after I have said something.

O'Connor has shown me the illusion of the gap between physical and spiritual impact. Every action in the physical realm directly impacts the eternal. Events are continual chances to accept or reject God's grace. I have even begun saying "temporal" and "eternal" to distance myself from the dichotomy inherent in the words "physical" and "spiritual." Maybe I should find even different words...seen and unseen? I am not sure.

Although I was already on this track, I have continued to take metaphor more seriously. It no longer sits as a specific, time-bound representation. Metaphor has become a literal representation of the things that can be said no other way.

I have become sensitive to a lot of dogma and doctrine. I have tested things in my own life and destroyed many illusions.

O'Connor supplements the ideas I have gained during interaction with Percy and Heidegger for my thesis. I try to contemplate my encounters during the day rather than reacting mindlessly, expectedly to conversation. I'm still not great at it--and often I intentionally neglect the struggle because I don't have the time to explain why I am suddenly weird. That stinks.

Hope you're all having a good week, though.

Will